Caregiver, Not Invincible

When You’re Caring for Someone Else… Who’s Caring for You?

Caregivers often face a perfect storm of physical, emotional, and logistical demands that make looking after themselves feel nearly impossible. 

Caring for someone you love, especially when they’re seriously unwell, is an act of selflessness and often deep compassion. But it can also be exhausting. And frustrating. If you’ve ever found yourself skipping meals, pushing through illness, or shelving your own needs “just for now,” you’re not alone. Many caregivers put their own wellbeing on hold and often for far longer than they intended.

And while love (or obligation) may fuel the care we give, it doesn’t make us immune to the toll it can take.

Why self-care is so hard when you're a caregiver

Caregivers often face a perfect storm of physical, emotional, and logistical challenges that make looking after themselves feel nearly impossible. Research shows that:

• Time and energy are in short supply. The demands of caregiving - the appointments, medications, decision-making, day-to-day tasks - leave little room for physical, emotional or mental rest, let alone leisure or personal healthcare.

• Emotional strain builds up. Guilt, grief, frustration, and compassion fatigue are common companions. It’s hard to prioritise your own needs when someone else’s feel more urgent or fragile. Many caregivers feel torn between doing “enough” and doing everything.

• Your health and self-care can take a back seat. Caregivers often report disrupted sleep, persistent fatigue, headaches, and a weakened immune system. Over time, these can become signs of burnout or what’s sometimes called "caregiver syndrome."

• Support can be hard to access. Even when services like respite care or carer support groups exist, they may not be available nearby, may have long waitlists, or feel like yet another task to organise. And sometimes, asking for help can feel harder than doing it all alone.

What the research says

Recent studies are beginning to highlight just how widespread, and under-acknowledged, these challenges are:

• A 2023 review found that caregivers often neglect their own health and experience high levels of anxiety and depression. Interventions focused on self-care showed promising results for reducing these symptoms.

• Caregivers of people with dementia or serious mental illness reported poorer physical health and unmet emotional needs, especially when support systems were lacking.

• A newer focus in research is the role of self-compassion - offering yourself the same care and kindness you’d extend to others - as a protective factor for caregiver wellbeing.

You're not failing if you're struggling

It can feel like there’s no space for you in the story of caregiving. But you matter too.

Taking care of yourself doesn’t mean you care less for them - it means you’re human. And sustainable caregiving starts with acknowledging your own needs, without guilt.

Even small steps can help:

• A walk around the block (while someone else sits with your loved one if that is needed).

• A moment to breathe deeply between appointments.

• Saying yes to help, even if it’s just for an hour.

• Naming how hard it is, and giving yourself credit for showing up anyway.

• Practice self-compassion exercises, for example, the work of Kristin Neff is a great place to start.

Support exists—and it’s OK to use it

Even if it is not exactly what you think you want or need, there is often some sort of support available. You don’t have to do this alone. Peer support groups, counselling, respite services, and carer helplines can be lifelines. Some areas now offer programs specifically for caregiver stress and burnout, including mindfulness, mental health support, and digital tools to ease the load, for example, Carers Gateway and Carers NSW - there'll will likely be others in your area. 

And sometimes it's good just to know that support is there if and when you need it, even if you don't take it up right now.

It’s worth asking: What would support look like for me right now?

And: How can I take one small step toward that?

PMID: 20709946 / PMID: 38263091 / PMID: 39571153 / PMID: 29723129